Poet of Fall

Aku benci…

Posted in Life by vien88 on February 24, 2009
IM IN DESPAIR

I'M IN DESPAIR

Aku dalam sengsara.

aku dalam derita…

Terlintas pulak persoalan.. “apakah tujuan sebenar aku masuk UM?” tak sangka pula kalau nak study sini kita kena jadi pelajar yang mengagungkan projek kolej semata2 nak dapat bilik penginapan selama setahun. Tapi serius aku cakap, masa aku first year dulu, takde satu pon projek yang menarik minat aku. Aku join pon sebab… entah la…saje nak tengok camane. Sume bosan2 belaka… aku buat doujinshi tensen2 pon lagi seronok. Maybe sebab ada kaitan dengan hobi aku.

Aku tak nafikan la aku jadi leka bila dapat masuk ke Universiti idamanku sejak kecil. Seronok sangat sampai lupa apa tujuan masuk menara gading. Aku dah regret bila tersenarai sebagai “di bawah pemerhatian” masa sem 1. Semester berikutnya aku improve, dan pointer still maintain. Masuk sem ni ingat nak improve lagi.. tapi biasala…orang procastinate. Orang yang suka tangguh kerja cam aku ni tak sesuai la jadi ketua biro ke apa2, memang takkan jalan la. Jalan pon lambat cam siput. Tapi tah la… aku nak back out, tapi dah terhasut, now it’s too late to step down. Sape suruh kesian kan orang lain sangat… in the end, aku sendiri perlu dikasihani…

Aku benci la…

Kuli yang tak faham bahasa, tak faham arahan, tak faham situasi, tak faham kesusahan ketua2 mereka. Haihh kami pon ada student life… suffer sama2 tak boleh ke. Aku dah korban waktu study, aku dah pernah ponteng kuliah just for this. Sebab aku tak trust diorang… but still aku takleh work alone. Ke aku ni tak cukup strict… ni yang dilema… kalo strict sangat kang cabut lari orang bawahan. Lembut sangat amik advantage lak. Ke aku ni cam taik sangat susah nak communicate dengan ahli2? Nak ngadu kat pihak atasan kena sound “JANGAN BAGI ALASAN” ohohoho macam diorang TAW je situasi camane. Ingat aku ada Geass ke nak control orang sesuka hati… (kalo ada best gak..)

Yep aku cam taik kot… masa free marathon anime. Bajet takde keje la…bajet nak study lepas tengok anime. Aku yang tak pandai urus masa kot.

Enuff self blame… yang buat aku geram ialah perangai budak2 setahun jagung ni. Gatal nak masuk projek je lebey. Nak dok kolej sangat… sanggup nyibukkan diri sampe takde masa dah. Benda ni dah jadi cam ritual nak bangkitkan si setan dalam diriku. Nak ngamok campak itu ini rasanye.

Aku perlu menangis. Tapi tak mampu. Ego menahan air mata. Tapi aku perlu nangis supaya boleh relieve serba sedikit rasa stres.

aku benci sume ni.

rasa cam nak bunuh diri. Nak diculik oleh orang bunian… padan muka keje tak jalan. don’t mourn for me.

benci…benci sangat. >_>

benci sgt sampe takde mood nak mencarut…. fucking shit.

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8 Responses

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  1. f-one-r said, on February 25, 2009 at 4:39 am

    jadi diri sendiri.. baru org akan ikut.. biarkan org len memahami diri kau baru kau akan paham org lain..

  2. vien88 said, on February 25, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    jadi sendiri la tu..but depends… most of the time org susah nak di’pukau’ bile jadi diri sendiri… org take advantage of your weakness and kindness.

  3. manamana said, on February 26, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    *pats hunny’s back*

    patience my dear. life mmg teruk at certain point of it, why ? cuz it wanted for us to learn something from the harshness. and believe me, i’ve been in the same shoes as yours before but by the end of the hard day i realized how grateful i am to god for showing me the unexpected side of this life we’re living in.

    be strong for i believe it won’t be long until you get to climb off the pit of despair. jadikan pengalaman skang nih as a pengajaran tuk masa depan :3

    • vien88 said, on February 26, 2009 at 6:51 pm

      i did such an embarrassing post..😄;;

      i dunno i felt like i need to write it out. I emo-ed for one night only, faded slowly the next day anyway.

      It’s probably my first time handling things like this, so maybe i’m at fault too ^^;;

  4. manamana said, on February 27, 2009 at 11:33 am

    there is nothing to be ashamed of by posting something like this dear. malahan i felt that it is good for you to share something like this wif your dear readers^^

  5. deady said, on February 28, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    .. dah jauh dah ko jalan ne ekeke
    biasalah la kalo tensen tensen
    meh marilah kiter memandang ke arah cahaya matahari yg bersinar sinar utk hari esok
    dan … belari dan terus berlari ..membunuh para gunmen

    man mana is right dont feel bad posting this kinda thing eventhou
    *deady here;s is laughing sopan..*giggles*

    life haz it up and down ..
    when ur in a bad situation we tend to blame everything and we dont quite see the world in an optimistic way
    ur lucky to get into yer fav U
    thing of how many peeps want to get into a good U like that
    and ..maybe this is not as bad as u think

    soo ..vulpine
    think of simon
    and kamina

    BELIEVE IN ME WHO BELIEVE IN YOU

    ..oh yea biler bace mende ne aku pun same situation macam ko
    AOA.. aku benci jadi active in certain activities
    next sem do not want

  6. mizakichi said, on March 2, 2009 at 9:28 am

    hang i there FnD… Jgn dengar those Stereotypicaliens… Just be yourself and shit on everyone… Crap jer on the bloddy fool yang buat u merana coz if you dont, who else willl… ohohohoho….

    a huhuhu.. bagus ker bagi advice cam tu kat owang? tapi i pun tgh emotional as i type this… a lol lol lol…

    but if u still nak orang bunian comeh and taketh u awayith, n if they’re cute like legolas, i nk ikut bley???

    dont kesian kesian… if u nk kesian pun u turn into a man eating plant yg ad legs dlu… eat everyone yang dtg dkt or tak buat ape u nk… a lol lol lol lol… hihihi

  7. Honoo said, on March 3, 2009 at 9:09 am

    … Ape yang aku leh cakap: sabar and rilek je la. Study berapa tahun? 4? 5? 6? Kalau camtu dah tak lama lagi dah… Aku nih below average student gak, pointer 3 pon still tak dapat2 lagi, nasib baik CGPA tak kacau sangat walaupun aku still kene jaga2.

    To be honest, aku tak beberapa suke course aku.

    I go to classes even when I don’t want to attend classes.

    I finish work even when I don’t want to get even started at it.

    I study when I don’t even want to.

    On your side… good for you yang dapat masuk UM yg memang kome nak pon. Me? Let’s just say I’m stuck in a university which is not actually giving what I came here for. Despite being a Multimedia student (yang study subjek yang sangatlaaa tak Multimedia-nyer) I suppose I’m the only one truly a manga/anime freak (minus my senpai/kouhai) while the others… gamers and gamers and gamers… God bless my life here.

    But then again I do my stuff fine so I believe you have the power to go through it fine too. Just don’t give up.


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